Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The Dream


I have a confession to make: I have been pretty depressed lately. The picture above pretty much explains my outlook the last few weeks, maybe even months.

I graduated with my associates two months ago. While that is great news, the not so great news is I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm 21, and I don't know if I want to continue with my major, or switch. I'm not sure what career I want... I know I want to be a mother, and I want to have a farm, these are two things I've always known.

While the picture above may look really bleak and depressing, every cloud has a silver lining. I don't think it necessarily makes me weak to say I struggle sometimes, it makes me human!

Since I graduated I've been thinking about what I want to do, and where I want to be. To be honest, I haven't figured much out career wise. I figured out quiet a bit life wise though. I'm a simple girl, not a simpleton, but most the things I want are very 1940 isk.

My dream is simple. I want to sell our current house, and buy a place in the country on around 10 acres. I want 2 horses so my husband and I can go riding together. I want pigs, goats, sheep, chickens, ducks, rabbits, etc so we can "grow" our own food and know where it comes from and that it has a good life! I want to grow our own fruits and vegetables so we know where they come from and that they are organic. I want to connect with the earth, and the animals, to live outside of the city, where all you see is nature! In addition, I want a place that is CHEAPER!

A big part of my dream is self sufficiency. I don't know what I want to do for work, and I'd prefer to not HAVE to work, whether I chose to or not. The other day it came to me that we are all a few jobless months away from losing EVERYTHING! I want to lower our monthly expenses and have a house we can pay for by time we turn 30.

I've been spending a lot of time looking up properties. The ones in our budget are usually in the middle of nowhere which means no jobs which means no way will that work for us! I have found a couple that could work, but we have to find work before we can move not to mention listing and selling our house (or getting owner financing on the next house, and making sure we could carry both notes until our house sold).

I'm really hoping that soon we will be somewhere else though. I would prefer it not be in our current state but as long as I'm in the country I won't mind. I love the open space, the calm, it's almost indescribable but its heaven to me!